Well here it is Wednesday night and you could hear a pin drop if the air wasn't running. LOL I haven't had a chance to blog at work because it's been CRAZY! I thought about blogging on my lunch break but I figured if I didn't leave my desk I wouldn't blog I'd end up working instead. :( Now I'd rather be reading instead of sitting here blogging. LOL
Things have been going great I guess you could say. I have lots and lots of things on my mind still that are some what confusing but I'm working through all that I pray. I know that I'm growing stronger in my faith every day and if I wasn't then I think I would have a major problem. The devil has been working over time too let me tell you. He's been working lots of over time not just in my life but every where. The preacher talked about it some Sunday ... which I know I wasn't the only one who needed to hear what he said. I'm going to give the highlight here. The battle is with the source ... Psalm 13:1-6 1 Long enough, God - you've ignored me long enough. I've looked at the back of your head 2 Long enough I've carried this ton of trouble, lived with a stomach full of pain. Long enough my arrogant enemies have looked down their noses at me. 3 Take a good look at me, God, my God; I want to look life in the eye, 4 So no enemy can get the best of me or laugh when I fall on my face. 5 I've thrown myself headlong into your arms - I'm celebrating your rescue. 6 I'm singing at the top of my lungs, I'm so full of answered prayers. I copied this from "The Message" The battle isn't ours Ephesians 6:12-13 12 This is no afternoon athletic contest that we'll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels. 13 Be prepared. You're up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it's all over but the shouting you'll still be on your feet. (Also taken from "The Message") Let me tell you that was something that I really needed to hear. :)
Well I ran out of time ... ~LaTeR~

God is Good, He is still in Control and He is Worthy to be Honored and Praised!!!

This has been one heck of a day. Well to start off with on Friday I found out that my friends sister in-law (Rhonda) had a blood clot in her leg. I found out last night that Rhonda had really taken a turn for the worse, the blood clot went to her lung. They've only given her 2 months to live but like I told a friend of mine today the Lord is in control and we have to believe that. So I got up this morning and got ready and my parents came and got me and we went to Greenville ... I've been wanting to give Rhonda a hug since Thursday and tell her that I've been praying for her. Well on the way we came up on a motorcycle wreck (read about it here)and it didn't look good at all in fact I handed a man an ink pen to give the lady that was working on him so she could try to open up his airway. Well when I got back home from Greenville Hospital I got online to see if anything had been posted about the wreck and found out that the guy had died.

Well I didn't get a chance to blog last night like I thought I was going to ... time got away from me. Then my son came in and he was 110 mph bouncing off the ways. :) May try to blog today but that will depend on what time I get home. I'm getting up from here and getting ready and heading to Greenville. ~LaTeR~

Going to try my best to blog tonight ... but first I'm writing an email that I really want to get sent out tonight.

Anyone who refuses to test his limits, anyone unwilling to move out of her comfort zone, is destined to live life inside the envelope. The most important developments in science, history, technology, and the arts came from taking risks."Ben Carson MD, Take the Risk

Going to try to blog today ... not sure how much I will get to being that it's Monday, plus I've been given some extra work that is going to be very time consuming. :( Guess the good thing is that I got to stay in for lunch today which I had totally forgotten about. So since I'm back at my desk early going to see how much I can blog about.

My weekend was pretty good until Saturday night. Friday night I went to eat w/Meagan and Kyle and then I went by my moms to pick up my son's PlayStation 2. Got home and Meagan and Kyle came over and they hung out w/my son. I actually went and laid across my bed and watched some TV until Meagan and Kyle left. Saturday I got up kind of early let Precious out and then when she was ready to come back in I let her in and I went and started reading in a book until I couldn't hold my eyes open. So guess what I did ... I went back to sleep until my phone woke me up and then I got busy doing what I could until my son got up. My son had a wedding to go to so while he was gone I finished up washing clothes and once he got home we went to Wal-Mart. I got very sick after we got home Saturday but that's nothing new. Sunday of course was Father's Day ... I got up and got ready for church and my son went and hung out with his dad. After church I headed home grabbed me some lunch and got me in a nap before having to go visiting. It all actually worked out pretty good .... I met my parents at my grandparents house and I fixed Icey's for everyone that wanted one. :) I never really cared for them myself but let me tell you they sure were good yesterday. I had gotten me a machine that shaves the ice a couple of weeks go thinking I'd make one after walking but yesterday was only the second time ever using the machine. Maybe since I know I like them now I'll get more use out of it .... if not I already had a machine I could use instead of the one I bought. :) Got done visiting and headed home just in time for a summer storm.

**Got to get back to work now lunch break is over ... hopefully I'll be able to write some more later today. :)

Adding a PS to my earlier blog from today. I sent a text message to my friend telling him I had quoted him in my blog ... well he can't pull up my blog on his phone through the web for some reason and curiosity got the best of him so he found the library in the area he was in so he could read the blog. Now I was sitting in the chair waiting on the doctor when I got his text telling me he had read my blog and the doctor walked in just as I was laughing out loud. :) Now is that funny or what?? I had been picking on him about not being able to read my blog and he showed me. LOL My sister even called me while I was waiting on the doctor to tell me everything was going to be OK, and I just whispered to her that I'm sitting in the chair waiting on the doctor to come in.
I had a GREAT check up and I don't have to go back until October. :) That is unless my Lupus gets out of control and so far I'm doing really good. The doctor just said that I needed to go ahead and start using my medicine. :( It's not even summer yet ... oh yeah and he said I could go to the beach would just have to sit under an umbrella :) Now sitting on my patio is a different story ... it's breezy at the beach. :) I seriously doubt that I'll make it to the beach this yr but will have to make some plans for next yr and save some money. :) There are ways around Lupus ... I told the doctor I was just going to become a Vampire .... LOL would have to really change up my schedule for that and for those reading my blog that don't know me from Adam I'm not a night owl ... I go to bed with the chickens and get up with the chickens except for Friday night.
~LaTeR~

GOD IS GOOD HE IS STILL IN CONTROL AND HE IS WORTHY TO BE HONORED AND PRAISED!!!

Warning ... this blog is by no means written to make anyone mad at me or upset with me ... I just write my feelings and we all have them right?? Now I know you can't tell me we don't so if you feel like my blog is mean or hurts your feelings or you think its too harsh ... keep in mind we are all entitled to our own feelings and thoughts ... like a good friend told me a few weeks ago ... Our Feelings Are Never Wrong :)

Man I can't believe it's already Friday. I've had a lot on my mind this week too. Lets see where to start ... I got some very pretty flowers at work on Wednesday. :( I didn't know what in the world was going on when I was called up front and there sat a dozen roses. :( Yes another frown face ... I wasn't happy about this at all. Why couldn't they have been from some sweet guy God sent to knock me off my feet???? Now that would have been great. :) Maybe he'll have a Harley when and if that day ever happens. :)

Well Wednesday was also the day that my sister and her husband had to go to court. Would you believe that I had to find out from someone in the church that she let Travis come back home. I'm not surprised that she let him come home, and I pray that the Lord protects the girls from the life they are living in. My sister did finally call it was 5:20 pm that afternoon. Now they had went all the way home after court and she could have called me then wouldn't have taken but a second to say he's out and we are running around taking care of things. The funny thing is I already knew she wasn't going to call until she absolutely had to. Last time he was in jail and got out when she called she talked to me for 16 seconds and then I didn't hear anything out of her until a VERY long time. I'm not in shock that she let him come home because I already knew that and so did everyone else. Only she could make that decision herself and she is the one who has to live like she is living too. I know it keeps coming back to me that our preacher told her she was getting advise from and listening to the wrong people and for to look at their lives ... well I know that I'm not prefect nor is anyone else but I am here alive today and I am very grateful for that. Well all we can do is PRAY and I've got my 3 prayer partners praying with me. My sister says that her husband is going to seek help next week so that is a good sign. PS my sister called me :) isn't the Lord great!!!

Now I've decided that I'm getting out of the boat ... I'm going to stop letting people try to decide what they think is best or not best for me. This is going to be very hard for me but I've got to get a backbone and not a wishbone and I AM NOT GOING TO LET PEOPLE WALK ALL OVER ME ANYMORE!! It's past time to put my foot down to the correct people not to the ones that will listen to me when I need to vent. Enough of that :)

I'm going to the skin doctor this afternoon and I actually think this will be the best visit since I started going. I've been trying really hard to do the correct things since it has gotten hot outside. :) I know lots of people look at me like I'm crazy when I tell them I can't go outside in the sun. I'll be the first to tell you that I miss getting outside laying in the sun and going and getting in the tanning bed. I really miss getting in the tanning bed because it was very relaxing to me. Plus I'm not use to not being tanned. :( And let me tell you that bottled stuff ain't the same. My mom bought me some new stuff in the bottle to try but I haven't tried it yet ... she asked me about it the other day.

Oh I finally got around to making the dreaded call for my physical. I'm not sure why that is such a hard appointment to make ... I think because I have to go see the doctor so much ... but here lately I keep putting it off and pushing it behind me ... not sure if that is a good thing or not ... I just hate going even though my physicals have been good for the last few years. Praise the Lord for that ... having to go every 3 months was for the BIRDS. Which I think that is about what I'm averaging now. LOL that's not funny but it is funny!!!!

Well I saved the BEST news for Last .... I've been SMOKE FREE for 6 whole days!!!! and today makes 7 if I make it until bedtime. :) Now isn't that some EXCITING news???? That may not seem like a lot but I've been a smoker since I was in jr high and I have never really tired to quit I'd cut back but that was it. Well I made up my mind that I was going to quit and I went from smoking a pack a day to smoking 1/2 of a pack a day and I did that was several months. :) Then I cut back to 2 cigarettes in which I split up I smoke 1/2 at 3 and the rest of it on the way home and then a whole one before bed. Well last weekend I decided that I would beat those 2 cigarettes and I'm so VERY EXCITED to say that I did. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU SET YOUR MIND TOO!!! I really believe that and with lots of prayer time I finally did something I didn't thing was possible but with God's HELP I DID IT!!!!! Can you tell I'm very excited about this??? I think since I have a few extra dollars from not buying cigarettes I'll treat myself to a pedicure tonight. :)

Look what I got at work today!!!

Another day is dawning .... I sure didn't want to get up this morning. :( That was my own fault ... I got home from work yesterday and hurried and got the trash up and moved the trash can around front then instead of cooking like I'd planned I fixed a salad because I didn't know what the weather was going to do. After I finished my salad I fixed me some ice cream and then I turned on the tv and fell asleep and woke up at 8:30 ... well guess what I couldn't go back to sleep. :(

Just something I wanted to share w/anyone who might come across my blog.

Identifying Your Weaknesses
Day 174

Everyone has weaknesses. A person who recognizes his or her weaknesses and is willing to work on them is wise.

"You have to heal from your past relationship," says Lauren. "You have to give yourself time to realize what it is you're healing from. You might not know you're insecure or that your self-esteem is so low that you'll appreciate any type of attention. You haven't had time to figure out what went wrong. You have to grow."

Your weaknesses are reminders of God's strength and sufficiency. When you face hardships or are frustrated by your inadequacies, take a good look at the God you serve. He is bigger than your problems. He will empower you with a much greater strength than you can ever generate on your own. Let God fulfill your needs because He is the only one who can. Here is how Paul viewed a burden he was carrying:

"At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me, My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness.
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become" (2 Corinthians 12:8-10 Msg).

Strong Father, reveal my weaknesses to me so I can work on them with Your help. I want to be strong in You. Amen.

Oh my it's already Sunday, where did the weekend go? Well lets see .... Friday after work I met my sister and got Becca, Katie Grace and Lydia went to NC for the weekend. Got home and waited on my son to get home from swimming and for it to cool down so we could ride over to the Relay for Life in Abbeville. :) So me, my son, Becca, and Meagan and Kyle rode over to Abbeville I'd guess for an hour then headed back. The baby cried all the way home :( Got her a bottle and she was just fine. Got her to sleep then me and my son crashed for the night ... he had to get up early the next morning because he had things he wanted to get done.

Well the next morning my sister got there to get the baby and I let her in and my dog out and I went back to sleep only to be woke up right after she left by the dog scratching to get back in. :( So I went ahead and got up and fixed my milk went and went and told my son that he wanted to get up early. LOL We both sleep late every Saturday. Well I went and got back in my bed read a few pages in my book and went back to sleep. I remember my son trying to wake me up but I was just too tired to get up so he ended up calling his dad and getting him to do the things for him that that he wanted me to do with him. :( I didn't even know he was gone and didn't even hear my phone ring. Well by the time he got home I was awake but he didn't want anything to do with me he was rushing around trying to get back out the door ... he's gone on a fishing trip for a few days. So I got me a shower and headed out to the grocery store and I went at the wrong time let me tell you I wanted to buy this to fix to eat and that to fix to eat LOL and I don't fix anything hardly ever at home to eat. Got home put the groceries up and sat down and waited for my sister to bring the baby so I could go out to eat. :) Went to eat and the baby was great until I put her in the car to go back home and she cried all the way home and then cried until she went to sleep except for when she had a bottle in her mouth. :( Not sure why she doesn't like to sit in the swing or lay on a pallet but let me tell you she doesn't. Got her to bed then I did my settling down time reading and watching TV. I didn't realize how good I had it with my son until now. I get to do my settling down time early when it's just me and him and I get to bed around 9 or shortly after. :) Since I've been helping my sister out I don't get to settle down myself until after 9 now.

Sunday I got up to the baby fixing a very smelly present for her mom. LOL :) My sister had told me that instead of waking us up she'd wait until we woke up and she take a nap in her car. :) That's why I said Becca fixed her mom a present ... I got to just go outside wake her up and tell her she had a very nice present inside. LOL Well I got ready for church and ended up with a little extra time so I laid down watching TV and woke up at 2 pm. :( So I fixed me a salad for lunch and piddled around and watched TV losing track of time again. I had planned on having my bath out of the way and cooking before my sister brought Becca back but that didn't happen. So I ended up cooking a cheap pizza instead of cooking the chicken I had gotten to cook. I'm not sure how my sister can cook or get a bath in the evenings. Becca cried the whole time I was in the tub and the while I had my super. :( She had already had 2 bottles so she should have been a happy camper but she wasn't ... my mom calls her the hip baby.

I decided last night that when my children have babies I'll watch them for an hour or 2 but that will be it. Now once they are walking and can bathe themselves they can spend the night. :) I'm just to set in my ways for little ones right now is all I can figure out. I don't mind them visiting but once it's time to settle down for the evening visiting time is over. LOL Good thing I wasn't like that with my 2 but I don't remember ever having to hold them continually ... I could put them in the playpen or the swing and they were just as happy as if I were holding them. Maybe I was just lucky I don't have a clue.

Oh I have great news ... I've been smoke free for 2 whole days working on day 3 now. :) I'm so excited about this because this has been very hard for me. Especially the last 2 nights I was ready to pull my hair out to go smoke but I worked through it. I finally told my mom yesterday ... I wanted to wait until I could say I hadn't smoked at all to tell her. She was like I knew you didn't smell like smoke when you were picking up Matthew but didn't know you were quitting. This coming July 6th or 7th she will be quit for a year. I think she told me her quit date was the day I got married which would have been the 7th. I can't believe it's been almost a yr since I had married Tommy and before I know it it will be October a year since he sent a text telling me he had a girl friend. I've come a long way since that day in October and can actually say that things are going pretty good. Yeah I still have bad days but more good days than bad now. :) I actually dreamed about Tommy last week but I think that had something to do w/his brother being at church June 1st. His brother wouldn't even look at me much less speak to me. :( I'm guessing that he was just feeling too quilt for his part of the destruction of my life. He knew exactly how his brother was doing and still married us knowing that his brother wasn't being faithful to me the whole time. I still haven't figured out how he played it off ... I thought we talked about everything and shared everything ... when he was sick I'd be sick ... it was just weird ... we were great together or so I thought. Oh boy I was very wrong!!! I think I went off on a tangent here ... LOL I also just realize I haven't been taking my happy pill with everything going on I've forgotten to take it. :(

Oh I'm backing to reading the book "Boundaries" and let me tell you I'm learning a lot of information and I've only read not even 1/2 of the book. The main thing that I've learned in the past week since I started back reading this book is that I am going to take back control of my life!! I am not going to let people manipulate me anymore!! Why should I? Yeah people will turn their backs on me and yeah that will hurt but in the long run I'll be a lot better off. :) Guess I'll have to let you know on that one ... I'm talking pretty BIG but this book makes you want to talk pretty BIG. ha-ha Hope that I will be able to handle this phase of my life ... hey I really think this will be a piece of cake compared to the things of my past that I've been through ... now I've just got to find the guts to set my boundaries and not let ANY cross them. :) Quote from the book "God had no problem telling Paul that he would not take away his thorn. He tells all of us NO quite often! God doesn't worry this his boundaries will injure us. He knows we are to take responsibility for our lives -- and sometimes NO helps us do just that." Why should I worry about about my boundaries hurting someone .... re-read the quote above.

Well I think I'm going to stop here for today may or may not write some more this evening ... that will depend on the number of chores I get done. ha-ha

Oh yeah I did start this on Sunday but didn't finish so wrote some more today Monday. LOL

~LaTeR~

I'm hoping today is the day. :) Hmmmmmm made you wonder what I am talking about. LOL Well today wasn't the day so I won't say anything will save it for the day. :) Your wondering now why would you say something if you weren't going to tell. Well I started this early this morning and now it's after 2 in the afternoon. I've been trying to get my desk cleaned up and things taken care of that get the back burner when I'm super busy.

Let me tell you ... my son got me to stressing yesterday afternoon then he got to rushing me and I dumped a whole cup of Dr. Pepper in my car. :( I'll also tell you that he will be out there Saturday morning cleaning my car too ... that is if I don't forget. He had let time slip up on him so he was rushing me because he needed to be somewhere by a certain time and I did get him there sort of on time. So after dropping him off I had an evening all to myself, and at first it was like what in the world do I do? So I got me a shower and washed my hair and sat down with my book until I had lost track of time and it was past bed time. LOL I need to stay on top of my reading and get this book finished. I didn't get very much read last night because I was trying to get caught back up with where I had left off. LOL Guess that will teach me not to stop in the middle of a chapter and go all the way to the end. ha-ha I did get to read on my lunch break today which would have been relaxing but my son ended up calling stressing me out. He had me so confused I ended up telling him we'd talk about it later. I did call him back to get some clarification as to how he was going to do somethings and the reason he had me confused was that he has his days of the week mixed up. LOL Thought only grown-ups did that. I plan on having a non-stressful evening tonight ... going to get me a shower, fix me some ice cream and curl up with my book until bedtime. :) Going to put my phone on silent or turn it off one and I don't answer the house phone so there will be nothing that can stress me out. Hope I'm not getting ahead of myself. LOL

Got to stop here for today fixing to be buried.

~LaTeR~

God is Good ... He is Still in Control and He is worth to be Honored and Praised!!!

Oh I wanted to make sure that I said this was Wednesday ... I've been thinking all day long it is Thursday so I've lost a day somewhere. LOL

Well going to start back today where I stopped last time I blogged. :) I did finish the topic I was on and was fixing to start in on something else so that is where I'm starting today. :) Hope that anything that I write doesn't make anyone who might be reading mad. :) Here goes ...

Lets see now I'm going to try to go from memory. I had gone to bed some what earlier on May 20th because it had been an exhausting day. Well my phone rang some time after 12 and by the time I heard it, it stopped but then it rang again. It was my sister calling to tell me her husband had been arrested. So as you can imagine that woke me up wide away. The girls were on their way to Easley to stay with the grandparents and my sister kept the baby with her because she breast feeds. Well her husband was arrested for CDV (Criminal Domestic Violence) which in my own opinion was long over due ... which to hear my sister tell it you'd think different. The only reason he was arrested this time was that someone else called the cops. Now she might correct me if I'm wrong so I'm going to keep on. I've very grateful for the couple that she did call and them calling the police. :) I got off the phone with my sister after telling her she needed to get some rest because she was going to be in for some long days ahead. I tried to go back to sleep but it just didn't happen, so once morning time came I got up and got ready like I would normally do and got my son up and on his way to school and I called my boss and left him a message that I needed to take the day off that something was going on with my sister and I needed to be there for her. I had already called my sister and talked to her and told her just to come to my house and we'd take my car to town. So I waited and waited on my sister to come so we could go get the things done that she needed to get done so we could go to her house and get it cleaned up. Oh yeah that was the other thing the cop told her that he was giving her until Friday to have the home cleaned up, and they took pictures of everything. We did everything that we could at town and got to her house after lunch. Oh boy let me tell you ... I called two of my friends to see if they could come and help after work and they did :) and when we left I think it was almost dark on Wednesday evening and I didn't feel like we had gotten much done but it was some better than when I first got there. :) I also called and talked with my boss on Wednesday afternoon to ask for Thursday off which he said would be fine but that I had to be back at work on Friday. So now it's Thursday May 22nd and I head back out to my sisters house to get started back cleaning and I had it set up so Meagan could come and help and she worked from 10:30 am to 9:30 pm that day. Also my two friends came back after they had said they wouldn't be able to because of work schedules but it worked out to where they could come back after work. We got lots done on Thursday or so I think we did. Meagan got the girls room cleaned and then I got her started on the kitchen with me. So by Thursday you could sit down in the living room where ever you wanted to sit, the bathroom was clean as well as the hallway and the girls room. The kitchen was taking shape as well. :) I ended up exploding that evening but I am not going to share those details here because even though everything I was saying was true it was just something that needed to be said and now that is done and over with, but I will tell you I don't think I've ever been as mad or upset as I was that evening and I never want to be again. Then on Friday of course I had to go back to work and my sister had a friend of hers daughter come and help her out with the house, they worked on getting things put in proper places and making coverings for the cabinets and all. She also got the dryer from the building brought up and hooked up and the one that wasn't working put outside. :) I didn't go back until Monday (May 26th) right before lunch so that I could take all the clean clothes back to my sisters house. My mom had came on Wednesday and Thursday and picked up dirty clothes to take home and wash for me. I picked the clothes up on Friday from my mom and then on Saturday I sorted the clothes by sizes and seasons and packed them in boxes or totes. Now all these boxes and totes wouldn't fit in my car so I had to get a friend to help me take them out to my sisters. Oh yeah and when I bought the totes I also bought a curtain rod and curtain for the girls room. :) Let me tell you the girls were very excited about it too. Well I took Lydia with me and we went to lunch w/one of my friends and then we went grocery shopping. Back at my house I decided that I would cook (ha ha funny I know but I can cook) for them so my sister wouldn't have to worry about that. Now let me tell you I burned my arm but that's nothing new any time I cook I get burned but this was the worst one in a long time. My arm hurt all night long!!! Its been 9 days since I burnt my arm and it's finally healing but you can still see it. :( Now I'm going to fast forward to Thursday May 29th ... I had counseling which by the way is still going good don't think I'll have to go much longer but there's still one issue that I need to deal with before I stop. This was the first night for me to keep all three girls. Well a friend of mine took the 2 oldest (ages 5 and 3) while I took the 4 month old with me to my counseling and that is when things got interesting .... we (me, my son, and the baby) got trapped in the elevator. :( Long story short we got out, I went to counseling, let there to go pick up the other 2 girls from McDonald's and we headed home for baths and bed .... now that was interesting. I think I was just so stressed that everyone could just tell and it stressed them but things went very well I thought for the first night. Then I had them on Friday May 30th and we went to out to eat w/my daughter and one of my friends. Let there and went by the drug store and then home ... and guess what all 4 of us had a bath before 9 pm. LOL I had the older too jump in after I gave the baby a bath. :) The girls I know thought I was crazy cause I set the bottle in the bathtub while I bathed the baby. LOL While the other 2 got there bath I sat there and fed the baby and she fell asleep. Got her laid down the girls out and settled to watch some TV while I got my bath and then we watched a movie until we fell asleep. :) I watched the girls until Saturday afternoon so that my sister could catch some zzzz's and then we went to the grocery store and then I headed home to put up groceries and rest. Sunday of course was church and then my normal Sunday routine. :) Then there was Monday :( June 2nd first day of the month at work so I was a busy bee. :) I either called or sent my sister a message to please get the girls their baths before I got them because I wasn't going to be able to handle that. :( Well let me tell you our evening went great ... I cooked mini cheeseburgers which I don't think Lydia liked at all. Got the kitchen cleaned up, the baby fed and we watched about 30 minutes of TV then it was bed time. I told my sister how much easier the evening was with her giving the girls a bath so I think she is going to continue that for me. :) Matthew is finally coming around and having something to do with the girls. :) I think I have that figured out though and I've talked with my sister about it and she says that WILL NOT happen. Reason I think Matthew has been avoiding the girls is that he thinks if he gets close he'll get hurt. Let me explain ... anything he's ever gotten close to except for me has gone out of his life suddenly and he doesn't understand the why or reasoning behind it he just knows it hurts like crazy to put it nicely. You know one day he had a dad the next thing he knew he was gone. Then there was Tommy for lets say 6 yrs maybe more and he just out of the blue quit seeing us. So the only thing he knows that is constant in his life is me .... guess that's why he is such a mama's boy. :-) I'm not going to complain even though it can drive you crazy at times, better enjoy it while I can. Well I think I'm update to date on everything that my mind can remember. Oh yeah my son lost his phone in the lake Memorial Day weekend so we had to go get him another phone last night. :( I was going to try to make it to church tonight but I don't think I can make that happen. I've got to take Matthew to his cousins tonight which will make things a little easier on me the rest of the week. (Shame shame on me for even saying that and thinking that) My sister has her start up counseling session tomorrow night which is kind of a get to know you and what's going on and why are you here sort of thing and the girls are going to be in counseling too. :) I'm meeting her when I get off work so that I can watch the girls while she chats with the counselor. Then on Friday I'll get the girls after I get off work and then I'm guessing my sister is picking them up on her way home because they are spending Saturday and Sunday with one of Katie Grace's friends. I'll keep the baby those 2 nights. Then it looks like I'll have them on the 12th and 13th of June.

Well I think I better stop here before I get fired. ~LaTeR~

GOD IS GOOD, HE IS STILL IN CONTROL AND HE'S WORTHY TO BE HONORED AND PRAISED!!!

Well well it's been a while and lots has happened, and I will try to blog about as much as I can today. Not sure how much time I will have to blog because it is the first day of the month. :) VERY VERY BUSY DAY!!!

Well it's now after lunch and I didn't get much written before lunch. LOL Here goes .... My son's Grandmother passed away May 17th which I think he had a good idea that she wasn't going to make it much longer. I had taken him over to see her on Thursday May 15th and it wasn't looking good then. :( The family did the friends and family visitation on Monday evening and had the funeral on Tuesday afternoon. The funeral was really sweet but there was several things that really didn't add up and wasn't very fair to her family or so I thought. I did get some pictures of Matthew dressed up ... too bad it had to be for the occasion it was, but he was really handsome. :)

After the funeral was over I decided that I'd go across the street to my Grandmothers grave. I wish now that I had not of because it really upset me to no end. Now let me tell you why it upset me ... well here it was May and her children still had Christmas flowers on the grave. :( Well that really hit home because Matthew had talked about guess the family would fall apart now since Grandma was gone and I was trying to tell him that wouldn't happen or that I hoped it wouldn't happen. Then when I went to visit my grandmothers grave and saw the Christmas flowers that just made me lose it. I called my mama crying it's a wonder she even knew what I was talking about.