Monday, March 31, 2008

Well, I made it to Monday. :) I have now been officially single for a whole week, but it seems longer than that to me. I'm very grateful not to have any ties to him anymore. :) I did come to the conclusion this weekend that being single can be very lonely when you are in a group of happy married couples. Which is fine I will just have to learn to cope in this area. This was actually the first time I have been uncomfortable since October, and I think it had to do with the game they were playing and the answers that were being given out.

The weekend was pretty good I guess you could say. :) I actually got a nap on Saturday and Sunday, I made it to the grocery store, got one load of clothes washed, put a roast on for Sunday, and made it to church and life group. :-) Oh and I got a really great book this weekend and got started reading it (my knitting is on the back burner for the moment) "The BATTLE Belongs to the LORD" I haven't really wanted to put it down at all, in fact I stayed up past my bed time last night reading. :) So in between going here and there and chores I'm almost 1/2 done with the book.

Friday evening we went to eat, and then went home and Matthew had his dad pick him up and they went to Walmart or fishing supplies. His dad bought Meagan a fishing rod and some plugs. My son went fishing Saturday morning, then when he got back we went and got his hair cut. :) He looks so much better now. :) Meagan came by after she got up that afternoon and got her fishing rod and was so excited. She wrote my sons dad a Thank you note and wanted me to take it to him. (So I did) Then she sent me a text wanting his cell phone number and I sent it to her. Well she started sending him text messages, and once Matthew found this out he was very upset. I don't mean just a little but A LOT!!! He doesn't like it at all because he thinks something bad is going to happen. I'm staying out of it!!!

Now I have a note on my desk with 1pm Tuesday written on it and I don't have a clue what in the world it means. I know it was something I wrote down on Friday but I can't remember why I wrote it down. :( I have nothing on my calendar for Tuesday, the only thing in fact is my doctors appointment for Friday. Oh know I just figured it out ... scanning thru my brain. LOL That the day my mom goes back to the doctor to find out about what they are going to do about her Gall-Bladder. The only thing she knows for sure now is that it's abnormal. I told her I'd go with her but my dad is going so I'm going to save my time in case they decide to do surgery I can be there then.

Well this is all I am going to be able to write today. :( I don't think I will have time tomorrow either, but maybe I can work in a little something.

God is Good, He is still in Control, and He's worthy to be Honored and Praised!!!

Friday, March 28, 2008

Thought I'd blog today since I haven't since Tuesday. :) I've just been a busy bee and had lots going on. Wednesday I wasn't feeling very good so I just pushed myself til the day was over. Thursday was just non-stop, only worked 1/2 a day so that was tense trying to get everything finished before I left. I had an eye doctors appointment, and I got back to Greenwood in time to stop by the social security office. That didn't work out because I hadn't gotten my drivers licenses change. So I asked my eye doctor if he would not dilate my eyes because I needed to go to the Highway Department. Well because I've been having problems he said the best thing he could ever do would be to dilate my eyes. :( Well I have vitreous floaters in my right eye and he didn't seem concerned he said that he thought my problem was a type of migraine. (Not sure if I really understood that or not because I haven't had any headaches.) So he said I wouldn't need to come back for two year. :) So I left there and headed to the DMV to have my drivers licenses changed so that I could get back to the social security office before they closed at 4. I left there and went and got Meagan to drive me around ... she had sent me a text while I wasn't able to see telling me she had something important to tell me. I had the bank left to have my name changed so she drove me to the bank (had no problems there getting new checks and new check card), Alltel, and the Skate-a-way USA (the last two places were totally awkward for me).

Well when I picked up Meagan she was able to go into more detail with me about what was going on. Oh boy was I just like oh my what am I going to do. How am I going to handle this? I wanted to make sure that I handled this correctly which I knew would not be something easy at all. I just prayed that the Lord would give me the wisdom and the right words to say to the people that I would have to talk with. So my first stop was Alltel and they weren't much help to me at all. Thank goodness I have a friend that knew how to do this that gave me the information that I needed to block numbers from my sons cell phone. Well I went online to Alltel this morning and in one spot it tells you that can't be done but I kept looking and guess what I found. "How do I block unwanted text messages coming from phone numbers?" Now that is exactly what I asked them in the office and was told all text would have to be blocked ... well they were W R O N G ! ! ! Go figure. So that wasn't too bad, so now for the next few weeks or longer since I have my sons phone it will be monitored and I will block all numbers that send them text that he shouldn't be getting. :) Next was the first hard part of my evening. Now keep in mind my son doesn't know that I have his phone he thinks he has misplaced it. He has no clue what I've seen on his phone either. I counted the number of calls from him last night where he had called and he called my cell phone over 30 times. Got Meagan to drive me to the skating rink and I went inside to see if the person I needed to talk to was working and she wasn't they told me she would be in at 6. So I went nervously back to the car to wait and wait and wait, and she wasn't there at 6. I walked back inside and asked if she was still coming or if she wasn't going to make it and she was off even though she was scheduled to work. I told the guy that I really need to talk with her could he tell me how to get in touch with her. He said that he would call and tell her someone was there that was wanting to talk to her. So I got on the phone and told her that I needed to talk to her about our children (yes I said children not teens not adults but children) and I really wanted to do it in person could we meet some where. She was like just stay there I will be right there. Now I'm a nervous WRECK by now ... trying to figure out how to talk to this parent and what I was going to say how to start it, but let me tell the Lord was right there with me. They got there and had brought their children which they sent the younger one inside and I told the mom I would like to talk to just her without the child but she insisted that her daughter was going to listen to everything said. This was scary having to talk to the parents with the daughter there too. (Keep in mind I haven't talked with my son about this yet and wasn't sure how I was going to handle it) I simple just told them that I thought some of the text between the two kids was WAY out of line and I thought they should be aware of the text that my son received from their daughter. I told them I knew he had sent her some as well so it just wasn't her, and I would make sure that my son was punished as well and that he understood exactly why he was being punished. So we finished up talking, and I finally got home and still didn't have a clue how or what to say to my son. I decided that I thought it would be best if we went some where to talk instead of talking at home so we went out to eat. I hinted around on the way asking if anything was going on that we needed to talk about and he just acted like there was nothing going on. So we got to where we were going to eat went inside and ordered our drinks and food and I kept at Matthew. He still didn't really want to tell me anything so I finally told him ... You know your phone isn't missing I've got your phone and I have been in shock at somethings that I have seen on your phone. So now do you want to share anything with me about what is going on? Man let me tell you this was a very hard conservation to have with him in fact he told me he wasn't comfortable talking to me about stuff like this. Oh well he better get use to it!!! So without going into anymore details about I think we have things settled for now, that is until the next time something comes up. I do plan on having weekly chats with him to see if there is anything he needs to share with me or that we need to talk about. :)

So far my day to day has gone very well, but then again today isn't over with. I am praying for an uneventful weekend. :) Can you blame me??? Not sure what I'm doing tonight or tomorrow but Sunday I have church and Life Group. I'm looking forward to the Life Group this time. :-) If its pretty tomorrow I might try to clean my car up I couldn't tell you the last time it was cleaned. The pollen is out and my car looks awful!! I can't blame the pollen for the entire car because the inside is full of trash!!! My son had gotten up 3 wal-mart sacks a few weeks ago and they are still in the car too. So tomorrow morning I think we will get up get all the trash up in the house then the car so we can go to the land fill before it closes. Yes I have a green box but for one bag of household trash I think it's a waste to take it around front. Who knows I may just take it around front this coming week.

Well I guess it's time to stop here for today, and as usual I doubt I'll blog the weekend.

God is Good, He is still in Control and He is Worthy to be Honored and Praised!!!

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

It's a new day :) and it's very cold!!! Seems like forever since I last blogged, but I just wasn't in the mood on Thursday, and didn't have time over the weekend. I was off on Friday but my mom called and woke me up said she needed me to carry her to the doctor. So I got up and got ready while she was waiting on them to call her back. They called her back and said they couldn't see her if she was feeling that bad she needed to go to the ER. So I took her to the ER and stayed with her until my dad got off work. I worked on two knitting projects while she dozed on and off. Went out to eat and then I was exhausted so I crashed early. :) Got up early on Saturday and messed around, took and nap, and then went to Wal-Mart, back home, then to my moms, and back home to make a cake for Sunday. (Man it was so GOOD!!) Guess that was pretty much it for Saturday. Sunday got up and went to church, and then went home to change my clothes and grab the cake before heading to my moms to cook (I fixed ham rolls and everyone seemed to like them), then I went home and took a nap. :) I think I was having an up and down day on Sunday, I actually stayed up and watched a movie before falling asleep. I got up Monday morning and a friend of mine had sent me some scriptures so I got out my Bible(s) and picked one and wrote it down out of my Message Bible. "Be Strong. Take Courage. Don't be Intimidated. Don't give them a second thought because God, your God, is striding ahead of you. He's right there with you. He won't let you down; he won't leave you." Deuteronomy 31:6 Let me tell you I shared that verse with everyone yesterday that I came into contact with.

Well yesterday was the big day!!! Before I write about the big day I'm going to back up a little bit. On Thursday afternoon Meagan called and was sounding like she was about to come out of her skin. They saw the girl getting in the truck with Tommy to go out on the road. Well in the mean time I had talked with a friend of mine on Wednesday evening and was really down about everything that was going on. Well she went by there on Friday and no one was home and so she went back on Saturday and they were there and she got out and went to the door. She talked to the girl about nothing in-particular and then left and called me. She was like that guy has lost his mind!!! Well knowing he was in town was just driving me CRAZY!!! In fact I got up yesterday morning and got ready and left early so I could ride by his house to see if he was still home and he was. I got to court around five minutes to nine and sat in the car until about ten after. I think I was just torturing myself for no reason at all. I had had Meagan read me the scripture all the way to the Court House off and on and then I just kept reading it and took it inside with me to keep reading. Got inside and made the metal detector go off (it was my shoes) and then we all had our cell phones so my dad took mine and Meagan's to my car and Bobby took his and Bridgette's to their car. :) No one else made the metal detector go off except for Bridgette's husband. Yes I had several people there with me for support which was a good thing because I really needed it. Well we sat and sat and finally Heather came and got all of us and took us to a conference room so that we could talk. She (the attorney) decided that Bridgette was going to be the best witness since she had talked to the girl. :) So my attorney went to let the judge know that we were there and the first case had been postponed so we were first. Man I was so nervous, my hands were sweating. :( So we went out in the hall and the deputy came out and called his name not once but 3 times. I was like you could have just called it once :) but he was a no show. :) The judge you could tell really frowned on that. He granted me my divorce plus allowed me to go back to my prior name :) and gave him 10 days to pay for my attorney fees. :) If he doesn't then he will be in contempt of court and they can arrest him. I asked Heather how much will that cost me ... I really would like to see that happen ... she was like settle down lets see if he pays first. :) LOL So then I went and got breakfast for me, my son, Meagan and her boyfriend and went home. :) I still wasn't sure what I was feeling but I was very Thankful that I didn't have to face him. I haven't seen him since the morning of Oct. 1st, 2007 and I guess I haven't gotten any text from him since the end of Oct '07. He did call after he was served with the divorce papers and left a nasty message on my voicemail but that was the last of that. So far I haven't even run into him any where in town. :) I really dread that day and hope that someone is with me when it does happen so I'm not by myself. Well then I decided since I had the rest of the day off I'd see about my taxes ... really been putting that off. So I called to see if I had to have an appointment or if I could just walk in and Thank goodness they were not busy so she told me the things I would need and boy did I panic. I had to have his social security number :( now how in the world was I going to get that??? I know I was thinking he WILL NOT get mine ... the IRS would have to call me for it. So I remembered I had something of his in my calendar so I looked and low and behold it was his social security card. :) Went to have my taxes filed and I already knew going in I'd have to file married filing separate. :( Well in my best interest it was better for me to file Head of Household ... you want to talk about being excited ... man I was!!! So I got finished before lunch and I sent a text to my friend to see about lunch and we decided on Migs and after lunch I was about to pop so I laid down and took a nap. :) Got up and realized we had counseling so I got ready to go to that not sure if my son would go in and talk or not but he did. :) My counseling session raised many questions for me after I left, things that I hadn't thought of. She asked how did I really feel about him not being there to face up to what he had done to me. Man alive he will have to face what he did and put me through one day maybe it wasn't yesterday but I assure you he will answer for it. Second we talked about dating ... and I told her just like I've told everyone else ... He will have to come and knock on my door to find me and the Lord will have already put it on both of our hearts. My counselor thinks I'm crazy for saying that ... she was like now you know the only men that could possibly knock on your door would be a plumber or electrician coming to fix something. Who knows maybe I am crazy LOL

So if anyone is reading my blog let me tell you this Our God is Awesome ... you just have to step out in Faith and Believe!! He will not let you down or leave your side!!!! I am so Thankful to be (as my friend calls me sometimes) a Woman of God!!! I've just got to work on taking that step of Faith more often. :)

God is Good, He is Still in Control, and He is Worthy to be Honored and Praised!!!

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

It's Wednesday and I'm think I can't wait until Thursday at 5 pm. I just couldn't seem to pull myself out of bed this morning ... my son actually woke me up this morning. I guess I thought it was the Holiday Inn LOL, but I was actually early for work. Now I am wishing that my son didn't have school on Friday so I could sleep late.

I didn't get much accomplished last night, but I did get to go walk. There was a very pretty solid white cat that ended up following and that was pretty interesting. My crazy dog acted like she was scared of it and jumped one time. I'm thinking this cat was use to being around dogs and thank goodness Precious had been brought up around one before we got her. I was telling my son and he was like oh boy we can get a cat and Precious won't mind. I don't think so it's either one or the other but not both. :) I had tried to talk him into a cat before we moved but he wanted to keep Precious. I'm just not crazy about dogs at all but she is a trip sometimes.

Church is tonight and I'm hoping the weather isn't going to be too bad. It's not suppose to be bad like it was over the weekend which is very good. I've still got the blankets in my closet from Saturday. It's already started raining here in Abbeville but it's not bad at all (just looks like a very light rain). Tomorrow evening we have counseling and my son isn't looking forward to that at all.

Can you believe that when I went to pick my son from my parents this afternoon that they wanted to know what I was doing about my divorce. Said I needed to be finding someone who knew who that car belonged too and someone that knew for a fact that a girl lived there. That just made me so very MAD!!!!!! I just walked out ... he called not long after I got home I figured to see if I would answer my phone or not.

God is Good, He is still in Control, and He is worthy to be Honored and Praised!!!

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

One day down and 3 more for the work week this week. I'm not feeling very good today, or maybe that's not the right wording. I have so much going on inside that it's hard to concentrate this morning. My meeting with my pastor and his wife went very well last night. It's was not very easy but then again it was. I cried on and off most of the time I was there, I guess you could say it was an eye opener for me. He told me toward the end that there were 2 scriptures that kept coming to him while I was talking the first one had to do with the alabaster box and the second was did he really see me not just see me but really see me. They helped me to see that I have got some issues that I need to deal with before healing can take place in my life. I really thought that I was past the issue but deep down I'm really not. Once I get past this and face it face to face things will be better. Plus I've got to take a step out in faith and believe and until I do that I'm just stuck in a rut. I was told this morning at work that maybe I should try a burnt offering ... I've never done that but I do think I'll write the things down that I need to deal with and then go from there. Yes I said things with an s on the end ... wouldn't it be great if it was just one thing but it's not. The Lord is working mightily in my life right now and I just know he has something GREAT in store for me at the end of this journey that I am about to take.

I'm still pretty nervous about Monday and I have no clue what is going to happen. I guess I have 6 days to find someone that is not afraid of Tommy that will go to court with me. I know not to ask any of his neighbors and I don't blame them for not wanting to go at all. I don't think I would want to either if I were in their shoes. I know I don't want to wait a year to be granted a divorce and from what the preacher said last night he said I was doing what needed to be done ... and no that doesn't mean he believes in divorce but sometimes things are just not in our control. I told him I had been second guessing myself as to rather I was doing the right thing or not.

Thank goodness it's almost lunch time ... I could eat my shoe right about now. :) Not sure what I'm doing for lunch today if I go by myself I'm sure I'll go grab something then read my Bible the rest of the time. I've got some scriptures I'm wanting to look up. I did bring my knitting but I don't have anything on my needles. That's a bummer :( and very unusual for me.

Well I went to lunch with Marsha today so we went to Maria's. :) Let me tell you ... I'm so stuffed now I'm miserable!!! I've gotten to where every time I eat I'm just miserable, and I don't think I'm over eating. Who knows maybe I am.

Not sure if I really finished today or not but got to stop here now because time has slipped up on me and it's 35 minutes to quitting time today. :) Later~~

God is Good, He is still in CONTROL, and He is worthy to be Honored and Praised!!!

Monday, March 17, 2008

Well I made it to Monday!! :) The weekend was really great, but I was kind of getting doubts on Friday evening. When my son got home I was still playing the prank on him about the shoes he wanted for his Birthday. He got so mad he was like I'm going to live with my dad ... I just said okay. Anyways when his dad got there to get him he was like I changed my mind I'm staying with my mama. Anyways on Saturday I kept telling him he needed to help me clean up in case someone just stopped by, and he was like me-ma isn't coming she said she wasn't going any where today. I had already told him we'd go to Bikes and Boards after lunch so he was in an okay mood about that. I put on the chili and made the slaw and was going to wait until everyone that was coming was there before I finished up anything else. I had made tea and two brownie pies Friday night while he was gone to the movies. That's another funny story. He came in and saw those pies and was like can I have a piece ... I said oh no those are for church Sunday ... he was so mad ... you can doing something for church but forgot about my Birthday??? I told him your Birthday is Sunday and I'll make you a pie Saturday night. :)

Now it's Monday after lunch and I'm just trying to stay very very busy. I took the last of my medicine on Friday and I didn't make it to the drug store in time this weekend for my refill. It's amazing how your serotonin levels affect our moods. Today I could just cry at the drop of a pen top. I have a feeling this is going to be a rough week plus the start of next week. I have counseling Thursday and Monday so that may help me some. I've got to find a witness before Monday or I'm going to up the creek. It's amazing to me that I had all these people say he's got a girl at his house but when it comes time to go to court no one wants to go testify against him. I just don't get it and it makes me very ANGRY!!!

I'm meeting with the Pastor and his wife this evening and I'm very nervous about it. I know that I want to go and talk with him but where in the world I will start I haven't a clue. I've jotted down some notes of things I want to make sure that I tell him and his wife.

God is Good, He is still in Control, and He's worthy to be Honored and Praised!!!

Friday, March 14, 2008

I made it to Friday Yippee how I'm just praying now I'll make it to 5 p.m. I just took a pain pill so I'm waiting on it to kick in. I'm hoping that I will be feeling lots better shortly, I have lots to do this evening. I'm really going to have to make out a list so I don't get side tracked tonight. I've got to go to the grocery store and get everything needed for tomorrow. I also need to get a present for my dad and a card for both him and my son. I had planned on just going to Bi-Lo but now I'm leaning toward Wal-Mart ... I'll just go home first let the mutt out and change my clothes before going. Guess if I do go to Wal-Mart I'll get a little walking in. :) I haven't been to the gym all week, and looking at the calendar I'm not going to be able to go except for 1 night next week. :( Oh I reloaded my I-Pod Wednesday night and forgot it yesterday but I have it today and I'm moving right along listening to my favorite podcast.

I ended up going through the drive through at Hardee's last night for french fries and a LARGE Dr Pepper. Then I stopped off to get me some knitting needles and ended up buying yarn (I know I should not be surprised that I did). I had written down a pattern I thought would be fast and easy and was wanting to try it so I have 5 more rows left then I can bind it off. It was pretty easy except for row 6 and 12 took a little time to make sure I was doing them right. I think unless someone calls to ask about lunch that I will knit on my lunch break today. I'm working on 2 bookmarks and got the needles last night to start a dishcloth so maybe it time allows tonight I'll get started on it. I have several I would like to do on top on the ones that the group sends out.

Oh Matthew didn't ask about his shoes last night he stayed with his friend Sage so I guess he wasn't thinking about it. He's going home again today with him and they are going to the movies tonight then he will be home after that. I may just get my pies cooked and hid before he knows I made a pies for Saturday. I think if he finds them tonight I'm going to tell them I'm taking them to church Sunday don't touch them (LOL) I'll make you one sometime today or tomorrow ... how does that sound??? I think it's just too COOL that I've actually kept something from him. This is just getting to be so exciting for me and I hope that I'm feeling good tomorrow so that it will just be an AWESOME day for him. He's just got so much going on and he doesn't like talking about it at all.

Well I've made it past lunch now ... 3hrs 20 minutes until it's time to go home. I went and had soup for lunch and then got a ice cream on the way out. (And I wonder why I'm not losing any weight, I just keep gaining) Oh well it sure was good ... guess I could look at it as I did get in an extra milk product for today. :-)

Just got off the phone with my mom ... she had been asleep. I was making out the grocery list for tonight and needed to find out what she was bringing. I had asked her to make the Honey Bun cake and was checking to see if she was going to feel up to it. She is going to bring the ice cream and some hot sauce too. So now I have the food list made out along with the grocery list, but no cleaning list yet. Hmmm wonder if I will get that one made???? At this point and time I'm thinking start the dishwasher, wash what is in the sink, sweep the kitchen floor and do a once over in his bathroom and be finished. I can make up my bed in the morning which I don't guess will matter because I will probably keep that door shut anyways. Then I clean next weekend like I'm suppose to with the dusting and vacuuming and moping. :-) I'll need to stay busy next weekend so I don't get down in the dumps, so maybe between cleaning and knitting I won't get bored.

Speaking of knitting I'm down to just needing to bind off the bookmark I started last night. I did the five rows at lunch but didn't have any scissors with me in my knitting bag ... I thought I did and may have just over looked them. I mean who has a knitting bag without scissors in it??? I think I carry the kitchen sink in both my knitting bag and my purse. You've heard the phrase "Can't leave home without it" well I can't leave home without my knitting bag or purse or I would be totally lost and I am lost when I do forget my knitting bag. I'd like to do two more book marks tonight with that pattern ... one for my son and one for my dad for tomorrow, but not sure if I will have enough time. I may get one done and then just do my dads and give it to him Sunday or Monday his birthday isn't until Monday. I have an appointment with the preacher and his wife on Monday so I won't be able to do anything for his birthday. (I guess I just wasn't thinking when I said that date would be good)

Maybe I will get to post tomorrow on how everything goes after my son's surprise. :-) I'll ask him after it's all over did he have any idea what I was up to? This may back fire on me keeping a secret from him, but I think it's going to be great!!! I know if your reading my blog your tired of hearing about this get together I'm having for him and my dad tomorrow ... SORRY!!!

Well I'm going to stop here for today, not sure if I'll write this weekend or not ... guess it's just going to have to be a wait and see.

God is Good, He is still in Control, and He is Worthy to be Praised and Honored!!!

Thursday, March 13, 2008

I made it another day :) I'm thinking at this moment that my friend from church last night was very right about what she said. She asked me if I was okay because she seemed to think I wasn't all there. (Guess that could be funny) I know I took notes last night so that is a good thing and I enjoyed the Bible study last night but couldn't tell you anything about it. (Now that's sad) I did request the CD from Sundays service but wrote down the wrong date LOL but noticed that after church and changed the date. I must tell you though it's been a rough week for me all the way around, but you know what I'm just not going to let that get me down!!!

Well Matthew is still upset with me, he thinks he is going to have an awful Birthday and that I don't love him. He is just so WRONG!!!! Now I'm trying to figure out how to get the mystery gifts wraps without him knowing what they are. My mom is taking care of one of them for me so I really only have to figure out one of them. Do I wrap it in a box of cereal that he's eating out of, a new box, an empty box or maybe a shirt box? Hmmm I could take an envelope box from work put it in the bottom and then empty my shredded paper on top. :) It's just got to be something original.

It's now after lunch ... went to Maria's with a friend today instead of eating by myself. My headache I had is gone and I feel in better spirits now. :-) Guess there's nothing like good fellowship with a buddy. I'm hoping my afternoon is going to be kind of fast paced but I forgot my I-Pod so it's kind of boring at my desk without it to listen to. Oh I'm going to eat with a friend tonight too and what makes all this funny to me my devotion today was "Disconnectedness" now how about that. I'll insert the devotion so that you can read what it had to say. :)

One sign of depression is a feeling of disconnectedness. You no longer feel that you are connected to other people. You aren't sure if you know how to connect with people anymore.

Not being able to relate to others is a serious loss, but it is a loss you can grieve and then remedy. Express your feelings of disconnectedness to God and then to another person: "I feel alone. No one understands me. I feel uncomfortable around people. Other people feel uncomfortable around me. I'm just bringing everyone down."

After you have acknowledged, expressed, and grieved your emotions, you must take steps to build friendships again. You need your family and friends to make it through this tough time.

James shares his experience: "I was driving home one day, and I told God that I wouldn't mind spending time with friends—maybe see a movie, watch a video, or get a pizza. That was my prayer.

"I went home, and soon after there was a knock on my door. The two friends at my doorstep, who had been to my house only twice in about six months, said, 'James, we're going to pick up videos and get a pizza.' So here it was, not fifteen minutes later, and I received answers to all three prayers. That is not a coincidence. God was visible. He said, 'James, I am always here. You just gotta see Me.'"

Remember, at this stage in your healing, it is important to focus on friendships with people of the same sex. You need more time to heal before you become romantically involved.
(I disagree with this statement about "focus on friendships with people of the same sex" a friend is a friend regardless if it's a guy or a gal why to opposite sex relationship have to be considered romantically involved???)

"By yourself you're unprotected. With a friend you can face the worst" (Ecclesiastes 4:12 Msg).

Lord God, I need to express my needs to You. Help me to get up, get out of the house, and spend time with people. Amen.

Here lately I've been getting some pretty good devotions and signs about things in my life. It's hard to explain but if you rely on God he will take care of your needs ... may not be the way or time you'd like but trust me he takes care of you ... just look at me. ;-) Look around at others.

Oh I do remember some of what was going on at church last night ... we start last week about "BEING CHRISTIAN" and continued with it this week. He was talking about putting on Christ and not putting on Christ to fit us but for us to fit to Christ. You just had to be there he explained it a lot better than I could. He did a comparison of a sweater being dried in the dryer and you having to stretch it out this way and that way to be able to put it on. He was almost in tears at the end when he was talking about area churches being torn and it was just so very touching. But from what I've been told they keep it REAL over there thus the name of the church. I know when I go meet with the pastor and his wife I will make sure he is told how friendly the church is and how welcome I have been made to feel there. I've been in church all my life on and off and been to a total of 4 churches and I think this church is the friendliest one I've attended. I really enjoy being there and feel like this is the church the Lord wants me at so I'm praying that my son will start to enjoy it as well. I must say I'm a tad bit nervous about meeting with the pastor and his wife ... I'd have to say that as a grown up this will be my first time.

Well I gues I'm going to stop here for today ... I'm sure if anyone is reading this I have bored them enough toay. :-)

God is Good, He is still in Control, and He's Worthy to be Praised and Honored!!!

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Well I made it to hump day!!! Guess you noticed I didn't finish blogging last night, my computer was messed up at home. L I didn't realize it until after it was time to go to bed either. We had supper at my moms, then I went and dropped my son off at the Civic Center to meet one of his buddies, then I went home and I guess wasted time because I couldn't tell you anything that I did last night except for ... I read in my Bible, looked through a magazine, knitted, made Matthew upset, tried to figure out how to get the WII connected to being online (I think that is what messed up my computer). Guess time just flies too fast in the evenings, the things listed above doesn't look like much but time just has a way of getting away from you. LOL I pulled up the support page for the WII not sure if I understand it or not ... printed it out and going to take it home and try again but I don't think it will be tonight. It's church night tonight. Looking at the instructions it looks pretty easy and I think what I was doing was right last night but it didn't work. L

It was pretty quite last night at home too. Matthew is wanting shoes for his Birthday and I ordered them on Sunday but told him I was going to wait until I got to work to order them instead of doing it at home. Well he finally remembered to ask me last night if I got them ordered. I was like oh my goodness I totally forgot son I'm so sorry. Well this makes twice now in less than a week that I've upset him. I know it's not funny to him but I'm getting a big kick out of it. LOL He's going to be so surprised for his Birthday and I just can't wait to see his face. In fact I better empty up my memory card for my camera so I can take some pictures. He said he doesn't want a party or a cake so I'm planning on just letting my parents show up and his sister and I'm going to fix hot dogs and I'm getting my mom to make a honey bun cake and I'm going to make brownie pies. Those are his 2 favorite sweets to eat. :) Just got a call from my mom and she has the shoes hidden in her closet. I was worried about the package coming while he was there but now he will not know. :) Man I've really pulled this one over on him ... no I've pulled two over on him. LOL

My mom ended up calling me before I called her this morning. She said I was causing her to get upset because she was starting to worry. I got behind because I stopped to load the dishwasher this morning and still didn't get it started because I noticed the time. :( So before church tonight I'll finish putting dishes in the dishwasher that I missed this morning and let it run while I'm not home. Anyways mama said that Meagan got jumped on last night not once but twice. I'm thinking it must be pretty bad because they thought her arm was broke. The bad thing was her boyfriend just stood there and watched a person 3 or 4 times the size of Meagan beat on her. What kind of guy would do that? Why didn't he get the phone and call the police? I just pray that Meagan will open her eyes before it is too late to see this road she is going down. I don't think she realizes it but some of the things she is going through now are things I went through just a little different. I know it's easy to try to tell someone what they need to see or do but sometimes they are just blind ... I know that for a fact. I just don't understand why I heard from my daughter at lunch today and she was telling me what happened in her words by text messaging. She said Amy hit her, yanked her by the hair and slung her down and slapped her 4 or 5 times then got on top of her holding her down while she was screaming bloody murder.

Oh pulled up my phone bill from Embarq a little bit ago and I about had a COW!!!! My bill was $325.13 which I had paid extra last month because I knew they had not billed me like they were suppose to, so that brought it down to $260.70. That was still HIGH!!!! So I got on the phone and called and of course the first person said she couldn't help me she would let me talk to someone from Dish Network well that lady wasn't very helpful with any of the charges but did take some things off my bill and gave me a number to call back when I am home to do a troubleshoot on why I'm being billed $5 for a phone line not being hooked up when I know there is one hooked up. Well I had her transfer me back to an Embarq person and I talked to her and explained what was going on and she was like I can let you talk to my supervisor and I was like yeah lets do that. I'm being billed for things I didn't say I wanted to be billed for. So after talking (yeah I said talking and I calm the whole time never raised my voice the first time) with the supervisor she gave me a credit for $126.75 and then after a few more statements me from me she gave me a total credit of $151.75. Now we are back on track with my budget, and I'm very thankful. At least they admitted to their error and corrected it with no problems what-so-ever. I think I'll start paying more attention to my bills from now on too, most times the bills are near the same amounts and I don't really think to look to see what the difference is but I will look from now on. Just like the cell phone bill the difference this month was Matthew went in and downloaded a ringer.

OK now what is this world coming to??? Take a look at this article. I just couldn't believe what I was reading. Do people just not care about things being sacred or believe in things being sacred anymore??? I guess I was just to sheltered growing up and something just appal me to no end. I could sit here and list lots of things that just aren't right but you already know most of them and probably lots more that I am not familiar with.

God is Good, He is still in Control, and He is Worthy to be Honored and Praised!!!

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Okay it's Tuesday and once again the day is just flying right by me. J I'm hoping that by the days end I'll be able to tell I've done something. Last night was a pretty changeling for me ... I did get about 2 hours alone time because my son went to a friends house until 8. When he got home he was like are you feeling better mama? I really don't like him to see me cry but he saw me crying yesterday afternoon on the way home. I know it really upsets him when he sees me upset but I just couldn't get a handle on it and the tears just came. I'm not going to worry to much I know that the Lord has an answer for me. Who knows maybe I'm just suppose to stay married to this man who has another woman living with him. The preacher did preach on the Lord restoring relationships Sunday morning (well that was the only part of the sermon that I heard). Man it's after 4:30 so I guess I may try to finish blogging at home or it may just wait until tomorrow.

God is Good, He is still in Control, and He is Worthy to be Praised and Honored!!!!

Monday, March 10, 2008

Well it's Monday and I made it to work on time :) ... I set 4 different alarms to go off (only set one that I wouldn't normally have set) this morning to make sure I got up in time. Let me say I still didn't climb out of bed until 6:30 so the snooze buttons kept getting hit for a solid hour. My mom says your suppose to get out of the bed the first time the clock goes off ... I said to her but what if you just want 5 more minutes of sleep and you didn't hit the snooze button??? You'd be sound asleep and wouldn't get up in time to be where you need to be. LOL

So far I'm doing pretty good this morning. When I got up this morning my eyes were very swollen but the right one was worse than the left one ... not sure why, but I'm trying to stay out of sight from everyone today. ;-) Work is going by fast this morning ... in fact its 30 minutes away from lunch time. Work is doing a hot dog plate for Relay but I told them on Friday I was going to pass. I think it was 2 hot dogs, chips and a drink for $5.00. Well I ended up with soup and a sandwich, and oh boy was that just way too much!!!, and he wanted to know if I wanted ice cream LOL ... guess I'll have to go one day this week and just eat ice cream for lunch. One thing I realized today walking to my car after lunch was how blessed I was to be able to go in for lunch and carry my Bible to read. You know some people just stare at you, some don't pay you any attention, and I'm sure some just think I'm just reading a ordinary book. It's amazing to me how some people just stare when people do unusual things while out at a restaurant ... you should see the looks I get when I get my knitting out ... which reminds me I had a lady ask me last week if I was still knitting ... I didn't know her from Adam but I guess she has seen me knitting some where on my lunch break. :-)

I'm still having a pretty good day, meaning I haven't cried one tear today. I emailed my attorney after lunch letting her know that my witness couldn't come with me to court due to having to help with her mom who just had surgery and isn't doing very good plus she has started back watching children during the day. I know I said something to my parents and my mom acted like she really doesn't want to go which I understand she has been sick and she is just ready to be feeling better. My step dad was like all I can say is that I know that car has been there at the house since November. My daughter knows but she said she was scared to go with me, even though she knows what is going on too. My attorney wrote back saying that she can make it as simple as asking them "Is the Defendant living with another woman?" And if they can truthfully answer yes, then she thinks that we will be okay. She said we don't have to have a lot of details and evidence since he is in default. If he shows up and creates a problem, we can continue the case to another day and subpoena the neighbor girl and force her to testify. I just hope it doesn't come to that and I can find someone who knows for a fact that a girl is living there and will testify against Tommy and not be scared of him. I understood why the neighbor didn't want to testify since she lives across the street from him and has to deal with him and the things that go on in his house.

Let me just say I've had all kinds of things going on through my head today and I'm been listening to Joyce Meyer this afternoon and man oh man if you've never listened to her or heard of her you really need to check her out. One of the main things that she said today that sticks out is "How would you like to have your problem and not know God?" I'll tell you right now I'd sure hate to know that I didn't know Jesus and have the problems that I do have. The Lord has really blessed me even when at times I don't realize it and I'm confused as to why I'm going through the trails I'm going through I'm always a stronger and better person after I come through my trail. Man I think I could write a book here but I probably need to get back to work. :-)

God is Good, He is still in Control, and He is Worthy to be Praised and Honored!!!

Sunday, March 9, 2008

March 9, '08

Well it's the end of the weekend, :( not sure where time goes now a days. I didn't get much done this weekend due to being sick most of the weekend. Saturday was really bad, but I've been determined today to not let it get me down. (I did get a nap today but didn't sleep near as much as I did on Saturday) I made it to church this morning, and was so Thankful that I didn't let the pain stop me. The scriptures for today were Romans 8:33-34, Hebrews 7:25, and Luke 22:31-34 and let me tell you the last thing I remember about the sermon was "He Restores", one example was relationships ... and I think that's the point that I just started crying and just couldn't stop. I know that after lunch my eyes were just hurting so bad from all the crying. So after lunch I came home took 4 Advil and slept for about 2 hours I guess or there about. I know I am going to put down Wednesday night for a copy of todays sermon so that I can listen to it. :-)
I think this weekend was just a very emotional time for me. I had appointment with my attorney on Friday which went very good. I called the person who was suppose to go to court with me and she isn't going to be able to go ... her mom just had surgery and is having a hard time plus she has started back keeping kids. My mom acted like she really doesn't want to go with me, and I just want her there for support ... I know she can't go in the court room or anything but just having her there ... I am hoping she will change her mind. She hasn't been feeling very well for quite some time so I just pray she will be feeling great by then. I'm just trusting the Lord to take care of everything that day for me. I'll be in FROG mode the next few weeks for sure ... don't take that the wrong the way I FROG everyday .... if I didn't I sure wouldn't be where I am today. :-)
While I'm thinking about plus the box is sitting here on my desk :-) ... I had heard something on the news and it hasn't been talked about very much but I'm glad I didn't get a quick hear about it ... Aunt Jemima has a recall on Pancake mix ... well what do you know ... I have a box that was recalled thank goodness it's never been opened. The night we did have pancakes we actually had blueberry pancakes. :-) My son and I have enough stomach trouble without eating something that has been recalled. So make sure you check your cabinets and if you have any Aunt Jemima make sure you check to see if it is one of the boxes recalled.
Well didn't get to write as much as I wanted my computer was acting up when I first started and now it's bed time ... so I'm off to bed in hopes that the bed bugs leave me alone tonight. LOL
God is Good, He is still in Control, and He is Worthy to be Praised and Honored!!!

Friday, March 7, 2008

March 07, '08 FRIDAY!!!

Well I should be in a good mood today ... It's Friday!!! Not sure if it the weather or what it is. I didn't think I was in that mood of a mood but I can really feel it now, and just going down hill. My morning was very quick today so that was pretty good, fixing to see how the afternoon is going to go. I am leaving early but a little nervous about my appointment this afternoon ... I need to jot down some of the questions to ask I have thought about that I need to ask. Enough about that for now.
Counseling went good last night or so I thought. It was my son's first official night with my counselor. Guess we will see in a few weeks really how it's going. He didn't have a whole lot to say once we left last night but he did seem to be in a pretty good mood. He was also in a half way decent mood this morning. Hope he's still in a good mood this afternoon since we already know I'm not in the best of moods today.
My calendar for next week looks pretty bare so that might be a good thing ... might get a few days of walking in. :) Then it looks like the next two weeks after that are crazy!! Man this has been a very busy month ... but I'm writting down the things that I do on each night on the calendar ... ie. Wednesday ~ Church ... Thursday ~ Counseling. Speaking of Church I set up an appointment to go meet with the Preacher and his wife on the 17th after work (not sure if that was a good day to pick ... it's my dad's Birthday), but I couldn't do it on Sunday because that's my sons Birthday!!
Oh I reloaded my I-Pod last night, and I'm thinking I need to cut down on some of the Podcast that I listen to. That's going to be something that is going to be very hard. Plus I keep writting down new ones to try out ... will I ever be really caught up on my listening?? I'm just now listening to February Podcast. Thank goodness I can listen while I am at work :-)
Well I think I'm finished for today.
God is Good, He is still in Control, and He is Worthy to be Praised and Honored!!!

Thursday, March 6, 2008

March 06, '08

Well what to right about today? Lets see ... I think I'll start with my son. I think he is going through some big change He was a BUTT this morning (more than the normal). One minute he's fine, the next he's mad, and the next he just doesn't talk to you. (I hate the silent treatment!!!) I know he hasn't been feeling good this week (he's been running a fever in the evenings since Tuesday) but still ... he sat in my car last night during church. His dad was suppose to watch him ... I had asked him the night before if he would watch him and he said yes. Which I know his mom has surgery on Tuesday and he wanted to go see her he should have just said no I will not be able to watch my son while you go to church. So this morning didn't start off very well maybe the afternoon will be lots better. We have counseling tonight so I'm looking forward to that to see how it goes.
Oh I just have to write about my drive to work this morning. I've done pretty good this week about not fussing on my way to work :) watch tomorrow I'll fuss all the way to work. LOL Anyways this morning I was in the inside lane with my cruise control set at 64 (yeah I know I was speeding) there was a truck in the right hand lane who was not going a steady speed at all ... he'd pass me then I would get back in front of him just in opposite lanes ... you getting the idea. Well this blue car came out from no where and was lane changing like crazy she couldn't decide if she wanted to ride behind me or the behind the truck. Well the speed limit changed from 55 to 45 and I ALWAYS drop my cruise control to 45 because I will have to drop to 35 once I pass the red light. This girl from Florida in her little blue car finally was able to get around me (she looked over at me and gave me a DIRTY look) and the truck and she never hit the breaks not even in the 35 zone which is a school zone. Well the cop sitting in the school zone pulled out behind me which I didn't see him but I seen him go around me and way down the road to catch up with her and he got her STOPPED!!! Its was just so funny I looked over her way but of course she wasn't looking but I was dying LAUGHING!!!! So I guess that was my excitement for today.
So far my morning has flew by it's almost lunch time here, and it's such a pretty day outside. It would be nice to go walk outside after work but I have counseling. Going to have to start watching my outside time now that it's warming up, my skin has already started acting up which isn't good at all. :( I haven't started using my medicine yet but I really need to get it out. I go see the skin doctor April 4th for a check up so I guess I need to see how this medicine is going to do before then. It was the end of the summer season when I started using it last year so didn't really get a good feel for how it is going to work. I'm just praying that it is going to work because the next step for me I think will be very costly.
I'm doing pretty good getting caught up on the podcast I listen too still, still on track reading my Bible, keeping up with my knitting, but not on track with the walking yet. :( Well this week like I said at the top my son has been sick, then last night was church, tonight is counseling, and who really wants to spend their weekend working out? Guess I will be but only after I have my list (need to make it out) is completed. So I think my goal for losing weight before the 24th of this month isn't going to happen :( ... guess I could lose a few pounds in 2 weeks time. Got to stay positive and busy until then or else I might drive myself crazy!!!
Update on my Podcast listening .... I think or at least hope that once I catch up to date with the one I'm on now I'll be offically caught up .... can't really tell since I haven't been able to put everything on my I-Pod since I got behind. One interesting thing I've listened to today and found very interesting and would like to share with anyone who might read my blog. It was from a divorce 101 podcast that I listen to but I think everyone can apply these things to their every day life. 1. USE YOUR BREATH ... "Take deep, conscious breaths, shallow breathing doesn't allow sufficient oxygen to come into the body and creates stress. Deep belly breaths help to quiet the ego-mind that may begin to start racing with thoughts in an effort to avoid the pain. Breathing deeply while having an emotional moment will help you digest the feelings and be able to restore a sense of calm and groundedness more quickly."2. YOUR JOURNAL IS YOUR GAUZE PAD ... " journal is like a clean, sterile gauze pad for a seeping wound. A journal is a safe place to collect all of those internal thoughts and feelings that must be released. I would even argue that life in the void requires a journal. Otherwise the unreleased feelings and toxic thoughts that are created in relationship break-up simply continue to run rampant within your consciousness. It is also the doorway to connecting with the wisdom and gift of why you have manifested this situation in the first place. There are no rights and wrongs about how to journal properly. That’s just the ego-mind squawking. Just give journaling a try." 3. THE MEDICINE OF MUSIC ... "If you feel numb and don't know how to jump-start the release of your emotions, music can do it." 4. CELEBRATE YOUR TEARS ... "Celebrate your tears not as a sign of weakness or neediness, but as a sign you are honoring your heart and growing stronger." 5. GIVE YOURSELF TIME ... "We can’t be too quick to heal the wound and need time to heal from the inside out." 2nd part to that was 1. GIVE VOICE TO THE STORIES YOU TELL YOURSELF 2. TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME 3. TAKE YOUR OWN ADVISE ... what advise would you give a dear friend in the same situation. 4. RESTRUCTURE YOUR ENVIRONMENT 5. COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS ... "Counting your blessings will help you find your footing in the void. Take the time to explore the void. The lessons you learn there will grow your heart and set you on the path to healing." One of the things under restructure your environment talked about not holding on to old text messages (this would also be emails or written letters or cards) GET RID of them!!!! That will be the first thing that I will do March 24th ... that's so exciting!!!!
Guess I need to stop here I think it's pretty long today since I put in some information on here from a podcast that I listen to.
God is Good, He is still in Control, and He is Worthy to be Praised and Honored!!!

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

March 05, '08 Oh My It's Wednesday

Oh my I can't believe it's Wednesday already. I was out of work Monday with Matthew, and yesterday I worked non-stop all day. Then the weather was awful last night. :-( I had planned on getting some things done around the house but that didn't happen. For some reason I just can't seem to get things done during the week in the evenings. I think I need to start back making a list because I normally do pretty good with a list to check off.
So far this week I haven't been to the gym :( won't get there tonight or tomorrow night so maybe I should shoot for Friday and Saturday?? Maybe ... We will see ... I know Saturday I have to take my son to Bikes and Boards to look at some shoes just in case I have to order them online in time to get them for his birthday. I have a feeling I just need to order them off line because you can tell that's what he is leaning toward. Now I have kept up with reading my Bible, but behind on a book that I got for me and Matthew to read together and one that I got for myself. I just want to know how other Moms can do all this stuff??????
Oh No!!! Just listening to the Dave Ramsey show and I think he would have told me to just sit tight where I was. Maybe he wouldn't have though. He doesn't suggest going out buying a home when you are grieving. I feel like me sinking myself into looking for a new home and moving was a very good choice. I stayed focus and busy instead of just crawling up in a ball in my bed and not ever getting back up. It would have been easy for me to just shut everything out but I didn't. I think and hope that I did do the right thing. I just need to buckle down with my budget now. :-) Dave Ramsey will tell you not to step foot in a restaurant and that's a very hard one. It's easier to go out to eat than to cook for 2 who do not eat left overs (we waste more food than anyone). I should try to calculate what the difference would be one day. I still have to go to the grocery store every week and that cost between $80 to $100. You know you have to have snacks :-) or at least we do. LOL Seriously though I have cook several times since we moved .... I've made chicken parmesan twice (it's so good), made a taco dish, tuna and chicken noodles, french toast, which reminds me I've been cooking breakfast on the weekends. We've been keeping the house clean even dusting (well my son has been dusting hit and miss and he'll leave the swifter duster out and I'll hit and miss some places he doesn't do), sweeping, mopping, but not doing very good with the vacuuming (I think we had a bad experience with that ... the vacuum died so we had to get a new one then our power messed up and we haven't had the vacuum back out). Been running the dishwasher, but I did notice this weekend that I'm getting back into the old habit of leaving the dishes until the weekend so that's not good. Well enough of that I think I get on a kick when I listen to Davy Ramsey if you haven't heard of him check him out at
GREAT blog to read about "DEALING WITH STUFF" ... ... got this in an email today. :-)
God is Good, He is still in Control, and He is worthy to be Praised and Honored!!!